All the snarky comments in Bold are mine.
I don't know who made this but its right:
A Day in the Life of Joe Middle-Class Republican (Annotated Edition)
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee(he’s able to afford something as exotic as coffee because of the Republican party’s commitment to free trade and it’s power to lift developing nations out of poverty more effectively than foreign aid). He fills his pot (made in Malaysia-free trade) full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for minimum water quality standards(He tries not to reflect on the fact that reason the water is so clean is that all the factories nearby had to shut down and move to China because of labor costs and environmental rules). He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure their safety and work as advertised (His medication exists because liberals have failed so far in their efforts to take profits out of the U.S. pharmaceutical industry which creates 95% of all new drugs) .
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too(Joe is clearly a unionized government employee...btw when government employees “fight their employer”...that would be us). He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe’s bacon is safe to eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry (and it’s still affordable because conservatives have resisted liberal efforts to ban factory farming, pesticides, herbicides, and because he buys groceries at non-union Wal-Mart...not to mention the fact he’s running up future health care costs that all of us will have to pay once we get socialized medicine...how dare he eat eggs and bacon, does he know what heart valve replacements cost? He better get used to soy sausages pretty quick).
Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo; His bottle is properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained (which affects his purchasing decision not an iota, Joe cares about if his shampoo works, how it smells and what it costs, none of which are on a ingredients label that only a research chemist can understand. It does however insulate the manufacturer against failure to warn claims). Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air (and from having factories in the United States..I wonder if Joe’s brother in law who used to work at the plant will ever find work, maybe Joe can get him a unionized government job too). He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride to work; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees (as long as he ignores the extra taxes he pays to support the public transportation system which losses money every year even in high density areas like where Joe lives, God only knows how they afford it somewhere like Los Angeles where everybody is spread out and nobody works downtown). You see, some liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor(if by affordable you mean more expensive than owning a car but we’ll collect it in dribs and drabs so you don’t notice).
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with excellent pay, medicals benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some liberal union members fought and died for these working standards (Did I mention Joe is clearly a government employee?...which of course means all of his goodies come out of your pocket). Joe’s employer pays these standards because Joe’s employer doesn’t want his employees to call the union (I bet). If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he’ll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some liberal didn’t think he should loose his home because of his temporary misfortune (if by liberal you mean a classical liberals who favored private insurance pools for injured workers as early as the 1700's. Today we call these people republicans and that their vision was co-opted by the government and turned into a bloated inefficient mess isn’t really much of an achievement when you think about it...though it is possible that’s where Joe works) .
Its noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe’s deposit is federally insured by the FDIC because some liberal wanted to protect Joe’s money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the depression (Gotta give liberals FDIC -though Republicans supported it too. Not so sure about the unscrupulous bankers though. Most economists think Roosevelt made things worse than they had to be with his seemingly random pricing of gold and his attempts at price controls).
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage (How’s that subprime lending crisis working out for ya?) and his below market federal student loan (the one form of debt immune to bankruptcy protection for the debtor) because some stupid liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his life-time (yep that’s why people with a Master’s in social work make more than plumbers and electricians...oh wait...).
Joe is home from work, he plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to dads (because public transportation doesn’t go there); his car is among the safest in the world because some liberal fought for car safety standards (of course his car would be even safer if some other liberal hadn’t demanded higher milage standards forcing the car to be made with lighter, less crash resistant materials). He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers didn’t want to make rural loans (actually they started out as a New Deal attempt to collectivize agriculture along the lines of the Soviet Union. This failed largely because farmers wanted ownership of the land. It was a coalition of conservative Republicans and Democrats who transformed the program into a home ownership program). The house didn’t have electric (I’m assuming you mean electricity, god bless public schools and all who attend them) until some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republican’s would still be sitting in the dark) (Rural electrification was well underway by the 1920's, largely without the massive corruption and graft that you’s see in later New Deal era projects).
He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn’t have to (If by “take care of himself” you mean instead of having to save for retirement, Joe’s Dad’s lifestyle is subsidized by current workers.) . After his visit with dad he gets back in his car for the ride home (Still no public transportation? What a shame. By the way how is this retired union member also a retired farmer? Maybe he could sell the farm, get a nice place in Florida and not have to suck cash out of my paycheck...just sayin).
He turns on a radio talk show, the host’s keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. (He doesn’t tell Joe that his beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day) (Yep, Republicans are responsible for all the evil in the world, no doubt about it) Joe agrees, "We don’t need those big government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I’m a self made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have". (I couldn’t have said it better myself).
Thursday, August 13, 2009
All the snarky comments in Bold are mine.