Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Slightly Not Safe for Work True Story.

I try to keep things PG-13 at their raciest here at Diminished Expectations. There are of course exceptions. This is another.

One of my dearest friends...who prefers to remain anonymous..has gone back to school recently to get teaching credentials...presumably as a prelude to corrupting our nations youth and seducing a few cheerleaders. Actually that sounds like a pretty good deal...I think I need to look into this.

Anyway... this friend who shall remain nameless is taking a comparative religion class at the moment and on this particular day they were discussing the Christian tradition of baptism. Some denominations see baptism as unnecessary (the Quakers come to mind). Others require Aspersion the (sprinkling of water on the head) or Affusion (pouring of water over the head). Still others use Submersion or Immersion. Apparently the Eastern Orthodox practice triple immersion (symbolic of death and rebirth into Christ, and as a washing away of sin).

On the day in question the instructor was quizzing the class about the various forms of baptism and finally got round to a lovely female classmate of my friend.

Teacher: "What kind of baptism to the Eastern Orthodox practice?"

Student: "Triple penetration."

After I stopped laughing, I suggested that my friend ask this young lady out. He replied with a certain sadness that she had a fiancee.

"Ah yes" I replied, "but it seems clear that she has unmet needs."

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